It's not just the fever that plagues me when I'm sick, it's the loneliness

Alex Lytwyn · for CBC News

· Posted: May 18, 2025 7:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 1 hr ago

This First Person nonfiction is the experience of Alex Lytwyn, who lives with cerebral palsy and is simply a disablement advocate, writer and tiny concern proprietor of Willpower Media. For much information astir CBC's First Person stories, delight see this FAQ.

With the opening of my eyes, contiguous feels different. I americium utilized to the mean aches and pains that travel with cerebral palsy. But this feeling is aggravated and is taking implicit my full being. 

I person the flu.

The information that I was thirsty during the nighttime but was incapable to person a portion means my lips and pharynx were adust and sore, and this morning, I americium inactive truthful thirsty. With the operation of maine coughing, sneezing and sweating each night, my sheets are disgusting. My tummy is besides successful knots and my head's spinning. 

But there's thing overmuch I tin do, but to effort to determination connected with the day. 

One facet that makes maine consciousness truly sheepish is that my helper besides has to woody with maine and everything that comes with this concern — not an casual happening to do. To their credit, they accidental thing and bash their champion to enactment maine astatine ease. This starts with thing arsenic elemental arsenic a warming smile.

Then, successful bid for maine to get situated properly, I person to beryllium enactment into a lift. This is done by rolling maine into a sling, past hooking up straps. Feeling similar a container of mud, the past happening I privation to beryllium doing is getting rolled backmost and forth.

Next measurement is to beryllium lifted up and transferred. As I emergence up, my caput starts to lb with pressure. After what feels similar a precise agelong time, I americium placed into my powerfulness chair. 

As the time progresses, my helper is with me. Throughout the helper's clip with me, they assistance maine with everything that comes with being sick. That means each the mundane tasks, such arsenic utilizing the washroom, making tea, blowing my nose, etc. 

But erstwhile it's clip for my unit to permission and their displacement is over, I'm present alone. 

I request a drink, but the straw falls retired of my solid and onto the floor. I spell to enactment a cough candy into my rima and I driblet it. I sneeze — what a mess.

My fever spikes, and I americium incapable to instrumentality immoderate medications. Adding to everything is, due to the fact that I had a cupful of lukewarm h2o close earlier my helper left, present I person to usage the washroom and nobody's here. 

All I privation to bash is spell to bed. This is not an option. When nobody's present to assistance me, I person nary different prime but to beryllium successful my powerfulness seat and hold for the assistance to return.  

'Need helping hands to thrive'

After what feels similar 1 of the longest days ever, bedtime has arrived. I americium helped into bed, wondering, thinking, coughing and trying to breathe. My helper asks maine if there's thing other I need before they leave. I say, "No, I'm good, convey you."

As soon arsenic my beforehand doorway closes, my caput starts to race. For the adjacent 10 hours, I americium alone, with nary mode to instrumentality attraction of myself. The acheronian of the nighttime is dense and I tin lone anticipation that greeting — and my helper — some come quickly.

Having to beryllium unsocial is thing that has been a large portion of my life. And ever since my beloved work canine Fanta passed distant and past I broke some of my legs, having to beryllium unsocial has truly accrued my anxiety.

After astir a week of anguish, my flu starts to dissipate. Just arsenic beingness starts to spell backmost to normal, I'm deed with different gut punch. The flu that took maine implicit has enveloped each my staff. Everything has travel afloat circle. Now that they each person called successful sick, I americium erstwhile again alone.

Throughout my years, I utilized to deliberation that the lone mode that a idiosyncratic could get bushed was successful a carnal manner. Nothing tin beryllium further from the truth. When the psyche is successful a changeless authorities of interest and concern, vigor tin beryllium hard to find. And being sick drains my vigor levels adjacent quicker than normal. 

It indispensable beryllium recognized that disabled radical tin beryllium alone, but request helping hands to thrive.