I'm an aunt who chooses to be childless. Merchandise with passive-aggressive mom digs gets under my skin

This First Person file is the acquisition of Nicole Starker Campbell, who lives successful Fort Saskatchewan, Alta. For much accusation astir CBC's First Person stories, delight see the FAQ.

My sister-in-law, Laura, handed me a acquisition wrapped successful Christmas paper, apologizing for what she said was a tacky present.

I unwrapped a java mug and held it up for a look. 

The yellow-and-dusty-rose colour strategy and random pinkish paintbrush changeable signifier signalled that this cupful was made successful the '80s. Judging from the tiny chips connected the bottom, it had seen immoderate use.

But printed connected the broadside of the ceramic cupful was, "For a Very Special Person," and beneath that, the connection "Aunt."

Laura and my niece, Serene, had been browsing successful a thrift store erstwhile Serene saw the mug and declared she wanted to springiness it to maine for Christmas. Laura suggested they prime retired a marque caller mug, but my niece looked astatine her with eyes the aforesaid bluish arsenic excavation and said, "But it says, 'For a precise peculiar person.'" 

Most of the substance wore disconnected years ago, yet that cupful is inactive 1 of my favourites. I emotion my nieces and nephews to pieces and happily advertise that I'm a arrogant auntie.

But erstwhile I precocious saw different mug decorated with the operation "Aunts … Like Moms, Only Cooler," I paused. 

This cupful was little a tribute to aunts and much of a passive-aggressive dig. 

While galore mothers are besides aunties, this alluded to a examination that concludes childless aunts are chill and moms are not. In different words, women halt being amusive and absorbing erstwhile they person a child. 

The us-against-them trap

This mendacious chasm existing betwixt mothers and childless aunts is conscionable a conception pitting women against each other.

I deliberation astir of america unrecorded successful the immense grey country betwixt 2 polarizing stereotypes: that all women privation to beryllium mothers and that each childless women hatred kids. In fact, there's nary "womaning" better, determination are conscionable antithetic choices.

Even so, I admit that I inactive get caught successful the us-against-them trap sometimes. 

Years ago, portion chatting with a person arsenic she made america coffee, we began talking astir the question of erstwhile to person children. 

She had decided it was clip for her and her hubby to commencement trying. Sitting astatine her room island, I explained that I'd ne'er wanted children and wasn't going to person them. 

As she reached into the cupboard for java mugs, she replied, "Oh, don't worry, you'll person kids 1 day." As if to say, you'll travel around. 

My person didn't inquire wherefore I felt the mode I did and didn't look funny successful a speech astir the antithetic choices that women make. At the time, it felt similar she'd simply dismissed my feelings arsenic being wrong.

WATCH | Why less radical are readying to person kids | About That: 

I present recognize my person wasn't trying to intentionally disregard my determination not to person kids. Rather, it was a deficiency of knowing astir wherefore I would marque a prime that was antithetic than hers.

Most of the women successful our person radical person felt the propulsion of motherhood.

I haven't.

I emotion kids, but I've ne'er wanted immoderate of my own. The work of being a ma has ever been acold excessively daunting for me, and being an aunt is wherever I thrive.

Most of the moms I cognize are cool — and their kids deliberation they're cool, too. These mothers person surviving country creation parties with their sons and daughters, shepherd their children done intelligence wellness challenges oregon person even parented their kids done pugnacious divorces.

For each my advocating for, and defending of, the quality to not choose motherhood, I recognize that children are inactive cardinal to my identity. 

Growing up, I utilized to visit a favourite aunt who ne'er had children. Some of my favourite puerility memories involve driving astir Seattle successful her Corvette, talking, sipping iced mochas and listening to Wham!

Now, I'm making those memories with my nieces and nephews.

I bask babysitting my nieces and nephews, bringing them to the h2o park, buying them chill YA books and taking them connected trips.

They've travel to enactment with maine for a amusive play sojourn and besides erstwhile they needed enactment during a challenging time.

As an auntie, I get to emotion my siblings' and friends' sons and daughters, and beryllium progressive successful their lives, escaped from the pressures of parenthood. I'm blessed to play an important supporting role.

Serene is present successful her aboriginal 20s. This past Christmas she talented maine a agleam pinkish java mug that says "Best Aunt Ever."

To my nieces and nephews, conscionable being their aunt is enough, and I'm chill with that.

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