As a new mom with postpartum illness, I asked for help. Instead, they threatened to contact child welfare

Lexie Howika · for CBC News

· Posted: May 25, 2025 7:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: 5 hours ago

This First Person nonfiction is the experience of Lexie Howika, a Winnipeg parent of 2 and intelligence wellness advocate. For much information astir CBC's First Person stories, delight see this FAQ. You tin work much First Person articles here.

My travel with intelligence wellness began a agelong clip ago. I was conscionable a teenager. And erstwhile I asked professionals for assistance backmost then, it was instantly fixed to me. 

But aft I had my 2nd lad successful 2024, that wasn't the case.

Around 3 months postpartum, I started experiencing panic attacks. They were caller for maine — and terrifying. From there, I developed obsessions with my kids' health, my ain health and our safety. I started having intrusive thoughts that made maine upset and scared.

I reached retired to galore people, including my doc astatine the time, who kept trying to archer maine I had postpartum depression. But I didn't consciousness depressed. My nationalist wellness caregiver seemed to ignore my messages, and erstwhile I confided successful my therapist — hoping to find bid with the uncertainty of my intrusive thoughts — she threatened to interaction kid payment officials. 

I felt stuck. I couldn't get the assistance I needed. I spent galore nights researching places I could enactment to get psychiatric assistance wherever I could besides bring my baby. I called antithetic clinics and enactment groups, but was lone offered a "baby and me" group. I was referred to a psychiatrist 3 antithetic times.

Still, nothing. I felt wholly isolated and scared.

I was fortunate to person my family, who supported maine non-stop and without judgment. A batch of women don't person that benignant of enactment — and that's erstwhile kid payment officials often extremity up getting involved.

By the clip I yet got help, I was having aggregate panic attacks a time and suffering from what I didn't cognize astatine the clip was terrible obsessive compulsive disorder.

I began my healing travel astatine the Crisis Stabilization Unit — a provincially run, short-term unit where I stayed for 2 weeks. For the archetypal time, I wasn't judged by intelligence wellness professionals. I was heard. I was seen.

Eventually, it became wide however terrible my lawsuit was, and I was transferred to the St. Boniface Hospital psychiatric ward, wherever I stayed for 2 months. That's wherever I started to unravel months of soundless suffering — with the assistance of a psychiatrist I'm truthful grateful for.

Over those 2 months, I adjusted to caller medication, exposed myself to uncomfortable emotions, and learned however to header with panic attacks.

The unit astatine some the CSU and St. Boniface were important successful my intelligence wellness journey. They played a immense relation successful helping maine get backmost to the idiosyncratic I was earlier each of this. My psychiatrist told maine I wouldn't beryllium leaving the infirmary astatine 100 per cent. I'd inactive person anxiousness and panic attacks — but I'd person to enactment successful the work. And that's precisely what I did.

A hopeless request for support

As I began to heal, I reached retired to  Manitoba Premier Wab Kinew and antithetic intelligence wellness professionals to speech astir the deficiency of postpartum enactment and the attraction moms don't person aft having a baby.

I judge Manitoba is successful hopeless request of a postpartum "baby and me" psychiatric installation — determination moms tin beryllium admitted and inactive entree intelligence wellness services portion bonding with their babies. (These kinds of facilities beryllium successful the United Kingdom.)

A fewer months aft reaching out, I heard backmost from Shared Health's Mental Health & Addictions. They acceptable up a gathering with different specialists, specified arsenic gynecologists, psychiatrists and wellness officials progressive successful women's health. We adjacent discussed what it would look similar for Manitoba to person a "baby and me" psychiatric facility.

That would beryllium my eventual imagination — but it can't halt there.

Postpartum moms request accordant intelligence wellness check-ins passim the first 18 months — not conscionable a six-week checkup, wherever galore doctors don't ever behaviour a afloat intelligence wellness exam. So galore postpartum illnesses spell unnoticed and undiagnosed, oregon they're conscionable labelled arsenic postpartum depression. 

I deliberation determination needs to beryllium much accusation fixed to postpartum and postnatal moms, oregon immoderate pistillate readying to person a baby.

If I'd had much information, I could've identified what was happening. I wouldn't person felt truthful isolated. I wouldn't person felt truthful crazy. And I wouldn't person felt similar a atrocious mom.

Our intelligence wellness strategy is lacking, and we arsenic a nine clasp truthful overmuch stigma toward thing that doesn't travel the "rules" of depression. Mothers tin acquisition each kinds of intelligence illnesses and inactive beryllium bully moms.

Psychiatric wards often location patients with a premix of intelligence illnesses, and this creates chaos — not conscionable for the health-care staff, but for those trying to heal. It's not ever the close situation for recovery.

My communicative isn't unique. And that's precisely wherefore it needs to beryllium heard — truthful that 1 day, stories similar excavation will be unique. 

I spent astir 3 months distant from my kids. I mislaid bonding clip with my present one-year-old. I missed my older son's archetypal time of kindergarten. I'm inactive getting my bearings. I'm inactive healing. But I yet consciousness similar myself again.

But I'm home. I'm healthy. I'm with my kids.

If you oregon idiosyncratic you cognize is struggling, here's wherever to get help:

• Call or text 988. Calls and texts are directed to a web of partners successful communities crossed the state offering termination prevention services specified arsenic counselling.The 988 service is disposable successful English and French to all.
• Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566 (phone) | 45645 (text betwixt 4 p.m. and midnight ET).
• Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 (phone), unrecorded chat counselling on the website.
• Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour situation centre.

This usher from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health outlines however to speech astir termination with idiosyncratic you're disquieted about.